they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I am morally bankrupt
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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