I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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