Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
