oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My vagina just clenched in fear
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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