he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
