Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
two words...techno handjob
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
