a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
