Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
