You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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