Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dicks are not precious.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
