You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
