Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
