Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
