we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
