you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
