I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
