I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
