Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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