As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
