Yo dont text me then not text me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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