I have demons in me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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