My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
