Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
