I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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