I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize