A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
