These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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