I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
