He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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