we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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