i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
