dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
