I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
