Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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