What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
