the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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