The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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