Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
