Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
