either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
