there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
