i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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