That's intense
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
