People in love make me want to vomit
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
