I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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