what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
