Your dad touched me again.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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