Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
