well I can't set my house on fire every night
handjob tips. give me some.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
