he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
