You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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