I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
