We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize