I bet he comes in French.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
