I think I died a long time ago.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
