wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
