And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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