I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
