Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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