the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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