Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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