we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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