Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
