I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
