I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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