So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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