Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
