Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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