she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
