She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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