They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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