mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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