I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
