i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
